Chapter   1

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I felt exhausted already. 

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The calculator did not lie; the math was simple.  Three miles a day, 365 days a year, and, say, 12 years -- or more than 13,000 miles total...  Half way around the planet!  That was the distance we'd travel before, God willing, TC might be able to get by without a walk every single day.  Of course, I use the word "we" lightly, because, to a dog, the shortest distance between two points is not only irrelevant, but actually something to be avoided at all costs.  So, whereas I might travel a mere half way around the planet on our walks, TC's four paws would quite certainly each circle the globe twice in their quest for physical satisfaction... 

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And to think we'd cover most of that ground on the limited trails just outside Berthoud, Colorado...

 

What would future geologists think of the mysterious torrent that patiently eroded eons of Earth around the shores of what was once Carter Lake -- forming a new Grand Canyon?  Would they suspect glacial activity as being responsible for depositing millions of petrified pinecones in an area devoid of petrified pine trees?  How many man-hours would be wasted in errant geological research?  How many satellites would be launched in the hopes to prove faulty theories about a land-locked river that ran in circles, driven by a magnetic whirlpool, like a primitive perpetual motion machine gone berserk? 

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I could not let this happen...  The truth must be told.  It was not magnetism that propelled the torrent, but dog food...  And it was a torrent not of water, but of dog -- fur, feet, nails, and toes...  And as for the mighty glaciers, even they were not safe from his devastation... 

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His name is TC, and this is his story. 

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Chapter 2

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"Hey, Rich!!!   Get up!!!  It's Saturday!!!" 

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The words came to me, as part of a dream...  There was music...  I was flying around the mountains...  With a cool breeze on my face and the sun on my back...  It was so beautiful! 

And then...   That's funny...  A strange sensation...  A vaguely familiar combination of cold and warm on my cheek...  And wet...   Moving...  And skin and...  Huh?  Fur?  Skin and fur?  Oh, gross!  Stop it!  Stop it!  I'm awake!  I'm awake!   

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"Get off me, you mutt!", I yelled at TC as loud as my groggy throat would allow me... 

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"But, you were sleeping!!!", TC said defensively as he backed a rear paw off the bed, ready to retreat if need be... 

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"Of course I was sleeping!  I should have named you Einstein!  It's 6AM!  I'm supposed to be sleeping!"  I couldn't believe we were having this conversation again! 

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But TC just didn't understand...  "But...  It's light out.  I can see light out.  The birds are up.  I'm up.  Heck, I'm dressed and ready to go!!!  So, where are we going???   Hey!!!  You're not even dressed yet!!!" 

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"Or Sherlock...", I continued, "I should have named you Sherlock...  Or Pain-in-the-butt...  Or Leave-me-alone...  But, no...  I named you TC...  What the heck does that stand for anyway?  Totally Confused?  Or maybe Terminally Crazy?  Or how about Testy Canine?"  And then I yelled right at him, "Leave me alone!  I want to sleep!" 

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TC took the hint...  Ears back slightly, he retreated from the bed...  Ka-thunk!  His head hit the floor and he was lying down again...  I half expected to hear him sigh his deepest sigh -- a sigh that would be respectable for a 200 pound man...   I had to wonder what kind of contortions his 48 pound frame had to go thru to produce it...  But not this time.  Unbelievably I heard silence... 

For almost 15 seconds... 

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And then quietly, TC raised his head to the bed and whispered, "Hey Rich!  Is it time yet? Are you still asleep???  If you are, just say so and I'll lie down again...  Just say the word -- you know me!  TC-tell-me-once! That's what they call me!!!  TC-tell-me-once!!!" 

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It was my turn to sigh...   "Yeah, TC-tell-me-once-a-minute, you mean!  And you can't even tell time!"  Exasperated, I conceded...   "All right, I'll get up!  Who needs sleep anyway..." 

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And then, as if adding insult to injury in the way that only a totally innocent child can do, TC simply offered, "OK, if you’re sure that's what you want." 

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"TC, can I ask you just one thing?" 

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I hadn’t even finished the question and TC interrupted with an enthusiastic, "Anything, Rich!!!" 

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Without much confidence, I asked him, "Do you remember having this exact same conversation last weekend?  Even a little bit?" 

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TC thought for a second...  "No."  And then in his defense, added, "Heck, I have a brain the size of a walnut...  I have to be careful about what I remember...  What would possibly be the point of remembering the conversation we had last weekend if we’re just going to have it again this weekend, anyway???  That’s kind of a waste of brain space, don’t you think?" 

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"I take it you hold that same position when I tell you to heel during a walk?" 

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His gear was turning -- against what I did not know...  "We’re talking opportunity cost here, Rich.  Brain space is at a premium these days...  Either I remember to heel without being reminded every minute or I remember not to pee on the couch when we get home.  Do you have a preference on that one?" 

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"Never mind."   This was going nowhere.  "Forget I asked." 

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"Asked what???"

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Chapter  3

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Stay tuned...